So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
