Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
