I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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