the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
