I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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