new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
