ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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