Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
