i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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