There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
