Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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