dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
