so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
