I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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