I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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