does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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