He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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