just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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