Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
