I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
