i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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