i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
