My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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