apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
