I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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