I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize