anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
