we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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