Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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