Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
