You're completely useless in the revolution.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
