So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
