I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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