Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
