So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
