Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
