It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
