come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
