Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
