so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I understand Curling. That high.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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