Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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