opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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