i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
