i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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