He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
