Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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