the condom got lost in my hair
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
