Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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