then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I could fuck to npr.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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