Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Randomize
