# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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