I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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