how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
