I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
