In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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