and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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