I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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