Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
