I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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