I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
